Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
