Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
