Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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