trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
