What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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