I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
