Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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