is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
