I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You ate ashes out of my bong
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
