My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there was a trapeze. enough said
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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