rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
