Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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