So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
