i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
