Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
