eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
