i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
