I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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