You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
