Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am one with the molecules
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
