i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
