Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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