I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
