Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
