I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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