I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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