I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
