Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
