why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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