hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
