K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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