You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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