Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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