I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
