It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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