Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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