i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
