i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
