Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
