We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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