I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
