btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
