I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
