So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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