oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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