Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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