haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
