Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
