so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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