got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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