I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
