did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
