May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
