We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
