She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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