Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
