Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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