By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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