I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
